For eight years, Bronnie Ware was an in-home caregiver who looked after people who were dying. Her clients knew they were severely ill, and most were in the last three to 12 weeks of their lives. Show But Ware gradually realized that the most important role she was playing was not physical, but emotional. She was there to listen, and she catalogued those intimate reflections her book, "The Top Five Regrets of the Dying." In their last days, many of her patients shared with her their regrets. The most common answer, according to Ware, was: "I wish I had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me." "It is very important to try and honor at least some of your dreams along the way before it is too late," she writes. "Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it." As a psychologist, this is something I see all the time with my patients. I always tell them that to boost my happiness and stop the clock on regret, I work on developing an appreciation for time. Why time is the most valuable resource we haveIn the daily grind, it's easy to fall out of alignment with what is most important to you. But living with an awareness of our own mortality fundamentally changes what we value and how we choose to use our time. It unmasks the frivolous, empty pursuits our culture often validates. Don't miss: I study highly successful people for a living. Here are 11 little habits they practice every day Does the response to your social media post really matter? Does it matter what car you drive? Does it matter that a friend group boxes you out of their social circle? If they let you in, do you really want to spend your precious time with them? Fully embracing the fact that we are not going to live forever brings our values into sharp focus. When the dermatologist tells you she wants to biopsy an irregular-shaped mark because it looks precancerous, you are likely are not thinking about the high-achieving image you have carefully constructed to present to your colleagues. Once you recognize that time is the most precious of all commodities, there will no longer be a disconnect between the choices you want to make and the choices you actually make. What will you regret at the end of your life?You don't need to wait and then look back and wish you had done things differently. You can start with a clean slate today. Simply ask yourself what you regret at this exact moment. If you wish you were more present for your two-year-old daughter, you are likely going to have that same regret four decades from now. If you regret opting for the comfort and familiarity of your current job rather than reaching for the stars, you will likely have a similar regret down the road. The big difference between now and then is that you have the ability to do something about it today. Here's another simple exercise that I love: When you say goodbye to someone, say it as if you might not ever see them again. Say goodbye in a way that you demonstrate the gratitude you have for the time you have spent together. Start with one person today. Tomorrow, two. Work your way until it becomes part of your everyday routine. Michael Gervais, PhD, is a high-performance psychologist and author of "The First Rule of Mastery: Stop Worrying about What People Think of You." His clients include world record holders, Olympians, internationally acclaimed articles and musicians, and Fortune 100 CEOs. He is also the host of the Finding Mastery podcast and co-creator of the Performance Science Institute at The University of Southern California. Follow him on Instagram @michaelgervais. Don't miss:
Want to be smarter and more successful with your money, work & life? Sign up for our new newsletter here  Get CNBC's free Warren Buffett Guide to Investing, which distills the billionaire's No. 1 best piece of advice for regular investors, do's and don'ts, and three key investing principles into a clear and simple guidebook. I bought this book due to the positive publicity which the writer received on her article the top five regrets of the dying. I expected some open and honest accounts from people who faced death and encountered their regrets about the life they had led and their fears about the future. What I didn't expect to find was a long diatribe about the author, her belief systems and what led to her writing the book in the first place. A paragraph should have been sufficient. Sadly it was so interminably dull that I couldn't wade through the author's biography to get to the parts about the dying which was the point of buying the book in the first place. For anyone with an interest in this subject I would recommend What Dying People Want by David Kuhl which is a worthwhile and professionally written work. Sadly struggling to read this drivel by Bronnie Ware counts as one of my top regrets of the living. 32 reviews April 27, 2013 When I'm dying, one of my top five regrets may well be having read this book. It was like reading a dull person's diary, complete with the bad spelling and grammar you'd expect from such an offering. This book contained mainly self-indulgent drivel, briefly punctuated by five points of wisdom gleaned from the writer's dying clients while she worked as a palliative carer. Instead of an enriching insight into their experiences and what we could learn from them to use our own remaining time more effectively, the writer consistently went off on tangents about her wannabe music career, bouts of depression and thoughts of suicide, and her experiences teaching female prisoners how to write songs. This book's title misleads you into thinking it might be worth reading. Even if it contained more content relating to the title I'd still find it difficult to give it much credence, as the woman comes across as a flake. If after reading this you still feel the urge to read the book, let me save you some precious time by suggesting that you just skip to the second last chapter, titled "No Regrets".It sums up all that went before without having to skim over all the other crap in between. 2013-personal-challenge 210 reviews55 followers June 23, 2017 الكتاب رهيب وجا بوقت كنت محتاجه اقراه .. المؤلفة كانت تشتغل بمجال ماتحبه "البنك" بالرغم من انها كانت مرتاحه ماديا إلا انها ماكانت سعيده، تركت البنك وجلست تدور عن عمل تحبه الين ماتوصلت لعمل "الرعاية التلطيفية للمرضى " .. كانت عايشه مع كبار السن .. تسمع منهم .. تطبطب عليهم .. استفادت من خبرتهم بالحياه.. سمعت ندمهم وهم على فراش الموت .. بعضهم تمنى لو عبر لاولاده عن حبه وماكتم مشاعره .. وبعضهم تمنى لو انه ماضيع حياته بالجد والشغل وما استمتع مع اهله .. وبعضهم كانت مبهوره من طريقة سعادتهم وكيف كانو راضين عن حياتهم ، المؤلفة كثير تأثرت شخصيتها وحياتها بالقصص اللي سمعتها كانت اول مستفيده منها.. بالنهايه الكاتبه عاشت بكوخ بالريف حبته كثير وبدت تكتب قصصها للناس وصارت تبدع بمجال تأليف الاغاني اللي تحبه الكتاب فادني كثير وعرفني قد ايش حلو لما اعيش بطييه واستمتع بحياتي كثير واسعد نفسي واسعد اللي حولي ممتنه كثير لله اللي الهمني اقرا هذا الكتاب بهذا الوقت .. الحمد لله 305 reviews1,154 followers July 16, 2019 The content of this book is lovely, and the author has clearly had a fascinating life, worthy of a memoir; however, she clearly was not given a very skilled editor. While the five major regrets (that she witnessed) are very telling and not always obvious Ware is gifted with more insight and compassion than pure writing prowess. She writes nearly every sentence in the passive voice, sometimes rambles for a page or two, and occasionally veers into the troublingly unscientific (she even devotes a few paragraphs to energy healing herself of an illness she declines to name). Nevertheless, the book is worth reading for the content, if not the writing itself. In case you were wondering: Regret 1: I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. Regret 2: I wish I hadn't worked so much. Regret 3: I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings. Regret 4: I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. Regret 5: I wish that I had let myself be happier. Author 3 books14 followers February 18, 2014 Hmm. Honestly I had to force myself to finish this book. I'm afraid that it's long and poorly written, all tell and no show, and very repetitive. The author has clearly led a very a troubled life, from drug problems in her youth to depression and several suicide attempts (or at least plans). I'm happy for her that she seems finally to have found her own form of peace and happiness, and in a way I think the book is a kind of therapy for her. She has also had rare insight into the regrets of the dying, having worked in palliative care with many "dear" men and women. The top five regrets of the dying are incredibly important lessons and we would all do well listening to them before it's too late: (1) I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. (2) I wish I didn’t work so hard. (3) I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. (4) I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. (5) I wish I’d let myself be happier. Read them, think about what they mean, and try to live your life to avoid such regrets. But beyond that, I wouldn't recommend that you read this book... Author 30 books336 followers February 18, 2021 This book can be split into two books. Author was a care taker of critically ailing clients. She writes about these experiences and the clients regrets. Generally it is believed that the person on death bed will not lie. Hence the regrets of such people are important. I am touched by these details. However there is a second part of the book. This contains the autobiography of the author and her belief system. This has been written with lot of self pity and preaching. It was difficult for me to digest that tone. Overall 3.5* 49 reviews4 followers July 30, 2013 This book has changed my life. Bronnie Ware is an amazing woman with an incredible story to tell. There's no one who wouldn't learn a lot from reading this fantastic memoir. Go and buy it. lifetime-favourites read-in-2013 1 review2 followers June 11, 2013 Very easy to read, inspirational and challenging, makes you question whether you are living the life you want to be living. advice-for-life 337 reviews48 followers October 17, 2020 What would you be thinking if you knew you only had a few days left to live? Besides being sad and afraid, would you feel like you lived a pretty good life, or would you have regrets? There's nothing like impending death to shake our awareness out of day-to-day problems and force us to look at the big picture. This book, written by Australian writer and speaker Bronnie Ware, goes where no other book has dared to go- right into the souls of those who knew they were about to die. Ware spent several years as a caregiver for the terminally ill, and wrote this book to gather the many lessons her patients taught her. This blog is about mental fitness, and the answer to the question of lifelong regrets is a huge one. If you're not doing what you want to do with your life right now, changing that one thing could have an enormous impact on your mental health down the road. Selling yourself short is how a lot of anxiety and depression gets started. Ware's book title is a bit deceptive. There are a lot more than five people that she works with. I counted seventeen. There are many regrets, but she summarizes them nicely into a memorable package. The book is written in a conversational style from her memories. I assume the author didn't carry around a recording device all the time, but she captures some moving and poignant moments with people at the most vulnerable and honest points of their lives. Here are the top five regrets, a list that has been published and shared all over the globe. 1- I regret not having lived a life true to myself. This was the most commonly regretted thing and it makes sense. So often we live with others and for others and deny bits of ourselves so as to not complicate things. Being true to yourself is a hard thing to wrap your head around if you've barely ever thought about what it is that you want to be. Almost everyone has a hobby or career that they would have liked to try out. Or perhaps a relationship they wished they had ended that wasn't serving them anymore. Don't waste time waiting for life to start. Make every moment count. 2- I wish I hadn't worked so hard. Ware describes a tragic tale of a man who's wife begged him to retire, but he didn't want to. She wanted to take trips and spend more time with him, and he finally agreed to retire in a year. But before that could happen she got sick and died, and he was stuck alone with enormous amounts of guilt. It's funny how our work and careers seem to define us while we're young, and how little they seem to matter in the end. 3- I wish I had the courage to express my feelings. Ware devotes four different cases to this regret, and the stories are touching and sad. "Don't take people for granted", one of her patients told her. Make sure you tell people how much you love and appreciate them while you still have the chance. For those that don't, they are stuck with this regret that their relationships weren't as honest and rewarding as they could have been. 4- I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. People come and go in our lives. Once gone, many of the dying patients regretted not re-connecting with the dearest friends who had drifted away. Ware went to great lengths to find three elderly friends for one lady, and was able to connect with one by phone that made this woman's last days much richer. Nursing homes can be lonely places, but not because there aren't other people there. They are lonely because the people there don't have a history of knowing the real person they were when they were young, vibrant and full of life. Losing those lifelong friendships causes a disconnection with the past. 5. I wish I had let myself be happier. "Happiness is a choice," one of the dying patients tells us. Impending death makes people reflect on happiness and the choices that they made. You can be wealthy and miserable, just like you can be poor and grateful. A lot of happiness relates to how you react to your circumstances, not the circumstances themselves. "Don't worry about the little stuff- only love matters," is what another dying person tells us. Beyond the five regrets, there are some wonderful descriptions of the transformations that happens to people when they die. There are some moments, like the glorious and transcendent smile that comes over Stella's face when she makes her transition. So many people fear even the idea of death, but Ware, having witnessed it personally over a dozen times, makes it seem beautiful and peaceful. Ware shares some of her personal life stories while all of this is going on and how it affected her. She was basically homeless for a while and questioning what to do with her life. This process obviously meant a lot to her, and she eventually left palliative care and settled down to marry and have children. Her writing about this experience has been shared all over the world. Death is not as scary as we imagine, though the gradual loss of body functions is described in detail here. More importantly, death gives people a chance to come to grips with their lives and realize how they would have done things differently. Regrets are only sad if they don't produce learning opportunities. If you are a spiritual or religious person, learning opportunities are what life is all about, and in an after-life we hopefully can put all those lessons to good use. The biggest benefit of this book is giving the readers a sneak preview of what awaits them so they can learn the lessons now instead of waiting until the end. Seeing what others have regretted as mistakes gives all of us a head start and some valuable information about what's truly important in life. I recommend this book to anyone wanting to get closer to their true purpose and make their life more meaningful. 41 reviews44 followers August 7, 2016 لم اختر ان اقرأ هذا الكتاب، لكنه هو اختارني! سمعت عنه وبعد بضعةايام اكتشفت وجوده في مكتبة امي. لكني لم اكن مستعدة لقراءته خصوصا ان والدي يمر بظروف صحية هذه الفترة. وفي احد ايام مرافقتي لوالدي في المستشفى، كنت قدانهيت قراءة كتاب كان معي، وبدات ابحث في دولاب الغرفة عن كتاب اخر، لاكتشف وجود هذا الكتاب هناك! حينها علمت انه حان وقت قرائتي للكتاب! الكتاب بدأ باسلوب الكاتبة العفوي والذي يحكي حكايتهامع موضوع الكتاب وكيف وصلت لهذه الدروس الخمسة. تحكي قصتها وقصة الاشخاص الذين اكتشفوا هذه الدروس في نهاية حياتهم لتكون اما ندما او فخرا بأهم شيء في حياتهم. لا أخفيكم، في الكتاب جزء كبير من اللحظات المحزنة حيث يسرد قصص الايام الاخيرة من حياةالأشخاص.. لكن في الوقت ذاته يتحدث عن لحظات الاحتضار بشكل فيه الكثير من السلام. ممتنة للكاتبه جهدها في تلخيص تجربتها الخاصة الثرية.. تعلمت الكثير وتغيرت نظرتي للكثير.. خصوصا فيما يتعلق باتخاذ القرار بان اكون انسانة سعيدة واعيش حياتي بالطريقة التي ارغب بها وتسعدني.. اضافة لان اتعلم التواضع وعدم اصدار الاحكام على اي احد، لان وراء كل تصرف حكاية وتاريخ لايتسنى للكثيرين معرفته.. Author 1 book99 followers December 11, 2017 eigentliche Wertung: 1,5 Sterne! In diesen 349 Seiten erzählt die Australierin Bronnie Ware über das Leben und berichtet über ihre Erfahrungen mit Sterbenden und über das, was Sterbende am meisten bereuen. Dennoch: viel zu viel Leben und viel zu wenige Einsichten der Sterbenden. Das Leben der Bronnie Ware, das wäre ein guter Titel für dieses Buch gewesen, nicht aber 5 Dinge, die Sterbende am meisten bereuen. Lange habe ich mich davor gedrückt, diese Rezension zu schreiben. Es ist schon ein paar Monate her, seit ich das Buch gelesen habe. Seither steht es zusammen mit meinen anderen Büchern in meinem Regal und hin und wieder höre ich es rufen, wie es mich daran erinnert, dass ich noch eine Rezension zu schreiben habe. Wieso ich das Schreiben dieser Rezension so lange vor mir her geschoben habe? Ich wusste einfach nicht, wie ich es bewerten sollte. War es gut? War es schlecht? Irgendwas dazwischen? Ich wusste es nicht. 5 Dinge, die Sterbende am meisten bereuen, ein Buchtitel, der unter die Haut geht. Meine Erwartungen waren demnach sehr hoch. Je älter ich werde, desto nachdenklicher werde ich auch. Früher war einem gar nicht bewusst, wie schnell die Zeit an uns vorbei zieht. Was ist wirklich wichtig im Leben? Was ist uns wirklich wichtig im Leben? Die Idee darüber zu schreiben, was Sterbende am meisten bereuen, verursachte mir im ersten Moment etwas Gänsehaut, im zweiten Moment dann aber wirkte es unglaublich faszinierend auf mich. Ob wir es nun wahrhaben wollen oder nicht, wir sterben alle irgendwann. Worauf möchten wir dann zurückblicken? Auf ein Leben voll verstaubter Träume oder auf ein Leben, in dem Träume zur Wirklichkeit wurden? Das Buch legt den Fokus auf zwei Themen: Bronnies eigene Lebenserfahrungen und die Einsichten Sterbender, die sie als Sterbebegleiterin betreut und auf ihrem letzten Weg begleitet hat. Statt von den Sterbenden und ihre Einsichten zu erzählen, wie es der Titel des Buches eigentlich verspricht, geht es in dem Buch hauptsächlich um die Erfahrungen, die Bronnie selbst gemacht hat, immer bezogen auf diese fünf Dinge, die Sterbende angeblich am meisten bereuen. Sie beginnt mit ihren Erzählungen tatsächlich immer bei den Sterbenden, schweift allerdings nach wenigen Sätzen bereits wieder ab und erzählt umfangreich von ihrem eigenen Leben, ihren Erlebnissen, ihrem Werdegang, ihren Gefühlen und Emotionen, ihren Erwartungen an das Leben und und und. Im Grunde hat sie, so schlimm es auch klingen mag, die sterbenden Menschen ausgenutzt, um ihre eigene Geschichte zu erzählen, womöglich um so mehr Leser zu erhalten, da eine Geschichte über fünf Dinge, die Sterbende am meisten bereuen, vermutlich häufiger gekauft und gelesen wird, als die Biografie einer Frau, die keiner kennt. POSITIV Das Buch hat mich jedoch nicht völlig kalt gelassen, ganz im Gegenteil. Immerhin gibt es trotz allem diese fünf Dinge, die Sterbende am meisten bereuen, seien sie nun eben so oder so erzählt. Das Buch regt zum Nachdenken an, es ließ mich diverse Dinge mein eigenes Leben betreffend in Frage stellen. Es hat mich motiviert, mich gelehrt und mir die Augen geöffnet. Auch hat es mich emotional berührt, denn die Menschen, von denen Bronnie Ware in ihrem Buch erzählt, haben allesamt noch ihren Frieden finden können, bevor sie für immer die Augen schlossen. Sie hatten Familie um sich, Freunde, Bekannte, geliebte Menschen, die sie auf ihren letzten Wegen begleiteten. Es waren allesamt interessante Menschen mit interessanten Leben, über die ich wirklich gerne noch so viel mehr erfahren hätte. Die 5 Reue-Punkte: 1.Ich wünschte, ich hätte den Mut gehabt, mir selbst treu zu bleiben, statt so zu leben, wie andere es von mir erwarten 2.Ich wünschte, ich hätte nicht so viel gearbeitet 3.Ich wünschte, ich hätte den Mut gehabt, meinen Gefühlen Ausdruck zu verleihen 4.Ich wünschte, ich hätte den Kontakt zu meinen Freunden gehalten 5.Ich wünschte, ich hätte mir mehr Freude gegönnt Bronnie Ware schreibt von Ehrlichkeit und Authentizität; sie schreibt von Aufrichtigkeit, davon, der Welt und den Menschen gegenüber offener zu sein/werden. Sie schreibt darüber freundlicher zu werden den Mitmenschen gegenüber. Im Bus oder der Bahn einfach mal ein Lächeln tauschen, statt ein Gesicht wie sieben Tage Regenwetter zu ziehen. Sie schreibt davon, das Leben zu genießen und es so zu leben, wie man es leben möchte, ganz gleich, was andere davon denken oder halten mögen. Man lebt immerhin nur einmal; man hat nur dieses eine Leben, das ohnehin viel zu kurz ist. Wieso die Zeit mit Dingen verschwenden, die einen nur unglücklich machen? NEGATIV Die Autorin bezeichnet sich selbst als sehr spirituell, differenziert allerdings nicht, sondern stellt ihre Ansichten stets als Tatsachen hin. Man fühlt sich bemuttert, bevormundet irgendwie und eventuell auch ein wenig in die Enge getrieben von ihren hartnäckigen Ansichten. Teilweise wirkte es nicht so, als würde die Autorin den Leser inspirieren, sondern ihm lieber Vorschriften machen wollen, wie man das Leben „richtig“ lebt. Sie lebt nach dem Motto, sich nur auf das Gute im Leben zu konzentrieren, das Schlechte auszublenden, den Verstand zu überwinden und auf sein Herz zu hören. Es mag Menschen geben, die ihre Auffassung und Meinung teilen, dennoch liegt das Problem meiner Meinung nach darin, dass sie all diese Meinungen, Ansichten und Auffassungen, die sie vertritt, nicht als eben solche hinstellt, sondern als einzig richtigen und wahren Weg verkaufen möchte. Alle anderen, die eben nicht nach diesem Motto leben, leben ihr Leben falsch. Glaubt sie. Natürlich ist es wichtig und lohnenswert, sich auf die eigenen Ziele zu konzentrieren, einfach mal auf das Herz zu hören, immerhin tun wir das viel zu selten, allerdings ist es sicherlich auch nicht ganz unbedenklich, den Verstand einfach komplett auszuschalten. Auch Probleme zu umgehen, ihnen einfach auszuweichen, statt eine Lösung zu finden, ist meiner Meinung nach nicht der richtige Weg. Das Leben ist nicht immer Friede Freude Eierkuchen, es ist nicht immer perfekt. Manchmal bekommt man eben Steine in den Weg gelegt, manchmal kleine Steinchen, die man einfach weg kicken kann, manchmal aber auch riesige Felsbrocken, die man alleine nicht bewegt bekommt. Wenn man nie lernt, mit Problemen umzugehen, was passiert denn dann, wenn man tatsächlich mal vor einem Berg an Problemen steht, den man sich nicht einfach so weg wünschen kann? Das Einfachste Beispiel sind wohl Geldschulden. Natürlich kann man dieses Problem vermeiden, in dem man einfach keine Schulden macht, doch man weiß nie, wie das Leben einem spielt und wenn man diese Schulden erst einmal hat, kann man sie nicht mehr umgehen und sie lösen sich auch nicht in Luft auf, nur weil man eben bloß an das Gute im Leben glaubt. Die Autorin stützt sich hier und da immer wieder in irgendwelche Extreme, meist auf spiritueller Ebene, was sie meiner Meinung nach alles andere zu einer guten Lebensberaterin macht. LOHNT SICH DAS BUCH? Die Kapitel über die Sterbenden und deren Einsichten deren Leben betreffend sind empfehlenswert, sehr sogar. Die Lebensgeschichte der Autorin eher weniger, wird sie mit der Zeit doch immer langweiliger, langatmiger und unnötiger. Ich musste mich teilweise regelrecht durch die Seiten quälen. Sie erzählt ihre Geschichte willkürlich, teilweise zusammenhangslos. Von Kapitel zu Kapitel wird deutlich, dass sie sich selbst offenbar für eine Heilige hält. Sie meditiert, sie betet, sie lebt nach ihren ganz eigenen Überzeugungen und ist offenbar fest der Meinung, dass nur ihr Weg der Richtige; der einzig Wertvolle ist. Das Buch hat mehr von einer Biografie, als von dem, was der Titel verspricht. Dennoch lohnt es sich, die 5 Reue-Punkte der Sterbenden zu kennen, jedoch muss man dafür nicht das ganze Buch lesen. Hier reicht auch die Inhaltsangabe. Von einem Kauf des Buches würde ich daher abraten, ich würde eher dazu raten, es sich eventuell auszuleihen, falls Interesse besteht, es zu lesen. Die Autorin sagt, das Buch hätte ihr Leben verändert. Meins hat es nicht verändert. disappointment non-fiction Author 36 books216 followers March 20, 2012 I bought this book (Kindle Version)having read brief but rave reviews about it on Facebook and it wasn't quite what I'd expected (the perils of buying on Kindle rather than flicking through a printed book in a shop!) - there was much more about her own life than about those she had nursed - but even so I found it absorbing and compelling. Ware breaks the last taboo by talking so much about death, recounting her personal experiences of providing palliative care and witnessing many people's final moments. Doing this work she is battling with her own past demons and moving towards a future in which she can embrace her own life with more enthusiasm (never mind death!) It is a deeply honest and frank account that must have been hard to write - and it's good to see that eventually she is able to come to terms with her own life (after being on the verge of suicide). Visit her Facebook page now and you'll see that she's effectively now on maternity leave from it, and very happy to have just had her first child. Things don't get much more life-affiriming than that! And as for those top five regrets - the reasons the I bought the book in the first place - they are eloquently, convincingly and touchingly argued. But I'm not going to list them here - buy the book yourself if you want to know what they are! I expect she could do with the extra royalties to cover that maternity leave! 87 reviews19 followers April 22, 2018 "Depression is an illness that can be the most catalytic gift for positive transformation, if one is allowed to move through it at their own pace. Depression is the name given to it in modern society. But it is in fact, an opportunity and enormous time for spiritual transformation and awakening. It may be a breakdown. But it can also be a break-through, if approached with determination, the willingness to surrender, and faith. Of course, this doesn’t actually make it fun" ♡ "Overcoming the mind and letting go of other’s expectations allows you to hear your own heart. Having the courage to then follow it is where true happiness lies." ♡ "It is time to realise your own worth and to realise the worth of others. Lay your judgments down. Be kind on yourself and be kind on others. As no one has ever truly walked in another’s shoes, seen through another’s eyes, or felt through another’s heart for their whole life, no one knows just how much each other has suffered either. A little bit of empathy goes a long way". [ Many thanks to the friend who sent me this GREAT book! :) ] I know it took me soooooo long to finish it simply because I was not reading daily (not because I did not enjoy it, huh). This is definitely one of my best reads so far!!! And a must-read to everyone of you :D Grab a copy already!! favorites 328 reviews20 followers January 9, 2013 A very interesting book. This book was recommended to me by a friend and I just jumped in without knowing much more than the title. I wasn't expecting so much memoir/autobiography from the author. At times it was wonderful and at times I felt as if it interrupted the story. But overall an incredibly beautiful reminder and message. Two regrets struck me most. One was from people who wished they had the courage to be themselves, to be true to themselves. This is a theme which comes around in my life very often, and a message I need to take to heart. The other was about keeping touch with friends. I've never been very good at cultivating and keeping close friendships. I know that quantity is less important than quality, but I would do well to really evaluate the people who are important, who know me best and will be there in the long run, and be sure to put in the work to keep the friendship alive. At the close of the book she uses an analogy about a lightbulb and muck. While I get it, I thought that went on a bit too much. But the experiences she shared about her palliative clients are touching, well written and thought provoking. Author 1 book82 followers August 2, 2019 If you want to understand what are those 5 things, read the table of contents and save some time. Read the whole book if you want to read the biography of the author. 870 reviews273 followers October 28, 2016 I went to my first funeral last week. Now, some of you may be surprised to know as a whole, I'm a pretty morbid person. Being interested in philosophy and constantly being on the edge of a personality and existential crisis does that. So I was curious about this book and knew I wanted to read it. How do I begin? I have so much to say. First of all, this book felt pale. That's my best adjective. I see death as a natural part of life. I don't think we need to be sad about it. I think we need to talk more about dying and not just negatively. I feel like the entire world is denying this very important part of life. I remember I used to say stuff like, "If I'll be alive in my thirties..." and friends were shocked because obviously promised I'm going to live until my thirties and not get run over in an hour. I see negative things as a part of life. I've always gone by the line "ache marvelously" and how pain is part of life and I want to celebrate that as well. This book lacks life. That's another problem. Bronnie goes on and on about her dramas with other carers and her family history and I simply didn't care. Some authors can afford to write those things but Bronnie lacks that skill. I swear, this book was the opposite of fierce. I can't seem to gather my thoughts. I see what this book is trying to say. I get it. Meditating is indeed great. I'm happy Bronnie is happy. I just, I experience life so differently, I can't feel this book. I started skimming at page 200 and didn't stop. I thought this would be more enlightening. This book needs a lot of editing. what I'm taking with me • Um, being happy and friends are important? • I never ever want to be that old. • Bronnie is an odd name. 1,442 reviews2,694 followers September 13, 2018 If I could describe this book in one word, it would be underwhelming. It took a lot for me to finish this book, only because the writing was a bit lackluster. I am generally drawn to books like this that offers advice on how I can better live my life but I just could not get into the writing. I felt the book could have been at least 100 pages shorter, a lot of the book is repetitive and a bit forced. I wanted to hear more from the dying persons and how they put their advice into practice before they died. Also, a lot of the regrets are things we possibly knew already but getting it reiterated helps. Here are the top five regrets: 1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself. 2. I wish I didn’t work so hard. 3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. 4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. 5. I wish I’d let myself be happier. These are five timely advice and things you should definitely be doing to avoid these regrets later in life. Other than that, I wouldn't necessarily recommend picking this book up. 2018-reads m-e-h underwhelming 476 reviews16 followers July 12, 2018 Sanctimonious. It took some google/dictionary searching to figure out that one word that described how I felt about the text in this book. My dissatisfaction with this book is partly (mostly?) my fault: I didn't read the full description that said that this book is largely about the author and not about what the title suggests. In fact, I think a more appropriate title would be something like "Me, me, me: The musings of a self-proclaimed spiritual being who happened to spend some time caring for dying people". The majority of the text in this book was not about the top five regrets of the dying. I did enjoy reading those parts, learning what those people said on their death beds. But every one of those sections would quickly segue right back into stories about the author. Sometimes it made sense, as she would be retelling the stories that she relayed to her patients/clients and how it related to them. but the ratio of author's life stories to patient's life stories was way out of wack, and I found it insufferable. One of the main sanctimonious passages was about how the author got diagnosed with some serious medical condition. She said (paraphrasing here) that while it's fine that other people may choose a "western" medication or surgery approach, she would instead use her decades of experience meditating to "communicate directly with the cells of her body" and ask them to reject the sickness, which resulted in her vomiting up whatever it was. Then she claims she was fine. She claims to have meditated away a serious medical illness. I grew up in a household where some of this kind of mindset arose sometimes and I've had conversations with people who think this way. I've found that in all those cases, the real story is that the person has done some heavy selective editing of either their telling or of their own memory in order to make for a fantastic and (what they hope is a) empowering tale. Another thing that drove me absolutely crazy was the use of certain words ad nauseam. I even started highlighting all the uses in my Kindle version of the book. "smile", "beautiful", "gentle". I swear if you created a word cloud, it would be dominated by those words. I ended up skipping through huge chunks of the book, just skimming a few words per page to see if she was still talking about herself. Occasionally I'd read in more detail. I did enjoy the sections that actually pertained to the main title, and I would rate the book much higher (maybe 3 or 4?) if most of the book was that content. 114 reviews4 followers May 20, 2022 This is hands down one of the worst books I have ever read and I feel confident in my rating of 1 star. The book markets itself as a memoir/ non-fiction, which is a stretch because the quality of writing is akin to a diary and the content is so unbelievable that it may as well be fiction. I picked up this book because I was intrigued by the synopsis and many rave reviews. The book had been on my radar for quite some time and I finally got it on a kobo sale for $2. I finished reading the book out of morbid curiosity of what the author would come up with next. The Writing This book is an absolute mess and, to the credit of the author, she tells the reader this in the introduction. “Whatever magic this book originally had was independent of any composition or grammatical rules. I simply wrote as I would to a friend, sharing my tale and those of the patients I came to love. This edition, therefore, is not edited in a traditional way, following formulas or rules. It is simply a tidy-up of grammar and a tightening of the message in parts.” Apart from the obvious issues with sentence syntax, grammar, and word choice, the author’s ramblings tended to go in circles. The book is highly repetitive, unintelligible, and inconsequential. The Content The book is supposed to be about the author’s work in palliative care and the significance of the regrets of those dying. I had expected that the book would focus a lot more on the people the lessons were learned from. Instead, Bronnie glosses over the narratives of her patients to ramble on about what she has learned about life. It was a disappointing read because whenever there seemed to be a good story emerging from one of the people she cared for, she interjects with her own life experiences as opposed to following the narrative of that person. Most of the content provided by the author regarding her personal experiences were quite surface level, she never explains or shares details. She often notes the emergence of personal negative cycles or interpersonal conflicts, but gives no further insights. The book trades depth and storytelling for lengthy, self-indulgent monologues. The entire book is about the author, Bronnie. Bronnie wants us to know right away that she is a vegetarian and possibly a Buddist. It was hard to tell since she has manipulated some of the basic pillars of Buddishm and tries to indoctrinate the reader with her own beliefs. Bronnie’s personal belief system toxically concludes that every person and experience is meant to serve as a life lesson for one individual person. This self-centered lens imprints itself into every aspect of the book. Below are three different examples of how she views others as a means for her own “learning”. “Perhaps you are still here for me. Perhaps there are still things that I need to learn through you and that is why your time has not yet come.” “I am glad for her that she didn’t suffer for long. I believe she came into my life to teach me the joy of unconditional love.” “As I returned each day, I prayed he would still be there. It was a difficult thing in a way. I knew he wanted to go, to be with Rita and the children he had lost. In that respect, I wished him a speedy departure. But for my own growth and connection, I wanted him to hold on as long as possible.” The Tone The tone of the book is rather self righteous. Bronnie criticizes others to highlight how upstanding she believes herself to be. These comparisons were unnecessary as they didn’t move forward a narrative or add value. “As I walked past the desk, office girls were moaning to each other about another office girl. I wondered how they could be so surrounded by death, yet still put their energy into complaining about trivial things. Unfortunately, most people give their energy to trivial things of no relevance in the long run." The author has problems with so many different groups of people in the book; people she meets on a hiking trip, other carers, people who work in the hospice care centers, and even the families of those dying. Bronnie is delighted to ramble on about having compassion for others and the self, but she doesn't live in alignment with those values. Even when discussing reaching out to old friends about giving her a place to stay for unknown periods of time between jobs, she attributes many negative adjectives to those who are unwilling to put her up. For those who do welcome her into their home, she writes a plethora of words related to their good hearts and kindness, calling them delightful people and using words which convey their generosity towards her. The book fails as a memoir because the author lacks basic self awareness and her self-righteous tone is alienating. Unethical Grounds I found the author to be professionally unethical in both her recounts of events and how she writes about patients and their families in the book. There are instances where she shares information with patients that the family was asking not to be shared, overstepping her professional boundaries as a carer. Her desire to be alone with patients was uncomfortable to me, especially when she conveyed her irritation with the patient’s family members wanting to be present in the final days of their loved ones life. This made me question her motives for working with the dying. “The intensity of Brain’s desperation to look after his father had increased enormously. He was even more controlling and would only leave the house for an hour maximum, each afternoon. I was grateful that both Harry and I had already appreciated those peace hours before I went away, as they were hardly on offer anymore. In addition to Brian’s obsessive behavior, Harry was sleeping much more anyway.” I was shocked by her blatant dishonesty regarding her work experience and professional training as well as her disrespect towards institutions which work to ensure carers have adequate training and experience to assist the dying and their loved ones. “Honesty had always been a significant part of my personality. But when questions came from the family about my experience, I found myself lying, all because I needed the work. New laws were also coming in about staff qualifications, of which I had none. Even though I couldn’t prove my skills by speaking about previous experiences, I wanted Stella’s family to feel at ease with me. I knew in my heart I could do the job well, as it was about gentleness and intuition more than anything. So I went along with the lies, saying I had nursed more people than I had when they asked.” Her writing should have been more refined in instances where she discusses the physical elements of her caring role. She should have been more respectful of her patients in her verbiage, especially in her descriptions of their bodily functions. Her detailed accounts of these kinds of things didn’t add value to the narrative and I am not sure what their intended purpose was. I found her lack of respect when speaking of her patients and their families to be unprofessional and unethical. Unreliable Narrator In any memoir, we have to accept that quotes will only be as close to what the writer remembers as possible, relying on our faith in the author’s interest in being as truthful as they can. I found Bronnie to be disingenuous and I had no faith in her ability to convey a story. By the midway point of the book, I had little trust in how much was even true as opposed to deeply altered by the writer. Many of the stories and quotes she attributed to others sounded immensely contrived. Conclusions My lasting impressions of this book are that it's a bunch of nonsensical, self-indulgent ramblings mixed with madeupkidMonday storytelling.With regards to the elderly people she was assisting, I felt ripped off by how little of their stories were shared. As the reader, we are given only a superficial glimpse at how these people came to learn the lessons that the book is supposed to be about; the author fails to achieve the main goal of the book. 59 reviews53 followers July 28, 2017 هذه يوميات ومذكرات للكاتبة عن تجربتها في العناية بالمرضى الذين ينتظرون الموت في منازلهم مع اختلاف اعمارهم ولكن ما يجمعهم هو يسر الحال وقد استخلصت من تجربتها عدة ملاحظات اختصرتتا في العناوين الخمسة لما يمكن أن يندم عليها الإنسان قبل الموت وبرأيي أن عنوان الكتب ملفت جدا وجدا وكذلك العناوين الخمسة مهمة وفي غاية الأهمية وما عدا ذلك فهو حشو في حشو تفاصيل مملة ليومياتها وبرأيي أن الكاتبة لم تجد صياغة هذه المذكرات بطريقة ملفتة للنظر كما هو العنوان 22 reviews2 followers November 28, 2019 Reading this book was a regret, purchasing it was a regret and now I must live with said regret to the grave. 74 reviews74 followers May 17, 2021 Life moves fast these days. I’m not sure who’s the main culprit? Is it the busyness trap, kids, the hyper connected world, or a lack of novelty that makes life seem as on auto-pilot? Bronnie worked as a caretaker of the dying. Someone who gets hired to tend for people during their final months or weeks in life. Through her work she was able to identify the most common and deepest regrets people had during those final days—what they wished they had done differently, what they wished they had the courage to be, and to say. . The list of common regrets probably won’t surprise you. But hearing the stories about the lives of the people who carry these regrets make them connect on a very deep level—deep enough for them to really sink in. . 🔸I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me. The most common regret of them all. . 🔹I wish I hadn’t worked so hard. . “This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship.“ . 🔸I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings. . “Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming.“ . 🔹I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends. . When you are dying you realize the full value of real friends, and by then you might have lost contact with them. . 🔸I wish that I had let myself be happier. . Many doesn’t realize that happiness is a choice until their dying days. . ⭐️ TAKEAWAYS: Reading through this list, I realize that reading books can protect us from many of these regrets. To live a life true to myself, express my feeling and choose my attitude is something I’ve learned about through books, and which I have been put into practice (still Work in Progress) . I can’t put a price on those insights! . ⚖️ VERDICT: This book is not just a list of dying people’s regrets and life stories, but also a the story of Bronnie’s own journey, and how working with dying people and learning from their regrets gave her courage to fight her own demons and a build a life true to herself. It’s a powerful read that will snap you out of the matrix for a moment and have you check your priorities. It might even trigger some real change. 23 reviews2 followers April 23, 2018 Ware gives some interesting insights into how to live a meaningful life, even though unfortunately most of them seem to be in the last two chapters of the book. It took me so long to read this book mostly because I couldn't bring myself to deal with the bad drafting, long discussions on her personal life and unnecessary added words (I have never read the word "though"so much in my life). However, I persevered to the last page, and I have to say that the last two chapters are what would bring this book from zero stars (even though seemingly impossible) to one star. Top Five Regrets of the Dying reads like a first draft that would get chucked into the "fuck no" pile of a publisher's office. Perhaps if it were severely edited and shortened to 1/5 of the current size, and written in a more professional tone, I would give it a 2.5. I hesitated in giving it a scathing review but I felt like I was owed an opinion after trudging through this mind-numbing dissertation on the author's personal life which would be much better suited on a personal blog. I can confidently say that this is the only book I have ever read which I would never recommend to a professional to read. It's offensive to every classical philosophy, self-help, fiction or non fiction book that I've ever come across. The only genre I could fathom to put it in would be "spirituality", if you consider the likes of "The Secret" spirituality. The only reason I could imagine any of my friends or anyone else reading this if they have a lot of time to waste, if they hate themselves, or if they want to see how a seemingly intelligent book gets such bad reception. I only finished it so I could write this review, and I can almost add it to my Top Five Regrets. 209 reviews9 followers March 22, 2013 I read an article about the topic that listed out the top five regrets of the dying. I wanted to read the book to go more in depth on the topic than an article might provide. However, the book is not exactly a more in depth examination of the topic, so much as it is an autobiography of the author's experiences with the various people she cared for in her line of work as a Carer. She herself seems to have a more nomadic, natural flow perspective to life. In this instance, I found it difficult to read with out getting put off by the book. If any of this sounds like your thing though, you should check out the book. I at least recommend finding the article, or checking out the book and skipping to the 5 Regret chapters, which is what I did after making it half way through the book. Maybe I'll find the concentration to finish the last few and find out if there more insight in there. Hopefully you have better luck than I. 31 reviews April 16, 2013 I had been looking forward so much to reading this book, as it's been (and still makes for) an interesting topic. Alas, it is definitely NOT written professionally and focuses way too much on the author's musings instead of the wisdom of the dying. In my view, the low point is reached when a depressive episode of the author is dealt with in a way that suggests Mrs Ware is proud of having toughed out her depression, leaving it to providence that her potential suicide has been averted. In the light of medical research suggesting that suicidal tendencies of depressive people could be brought down significantly, should these patients have seen a doctor, only supports my view that this chapter is largely based on incompetence. 54 reviews4 followers September 12, 2017 I was about to throw this book out of window You know what thus book is? An autobiography and what's even worse author is keeping it a secret (she is not succeed tho) through all reading she keeps prasing herself while adding little stories of dying people she nursed. "I do meditation, I'm a vegetarian I decided and did everything all my own I'm so brave." But you know what she is so so selfish, she didn't think about the people she left behind when she decided to "live freely" and wow she is so optimistic, talking like everything is perfect but it's actually all about her and her ego. I should've considered views about this book or just throw it out of window instead of wasting my time. 105 reviews78 followers February 16, 2021 The book reminded me a lot of 'Tuesdays with Morrie' and if you liked that book, you will like this one too! I must state that it is a very emotionally heavy book though and hence, should be given sufficient time! A lot of people felt that Bronnie has written too much about her personal life. I actually liked reading about her own life because she showed how she was using all the lessons she had learnt from the dying to make her own life good. I would actually recommend this book to everyone! Author 10 books56 followers March 17, 2016 مقالة طورتها الممرضة الاسترالية إلى كتاب لخصت فيه استجابات المرضى حول سؤال واحد وجاءت الأشياء الخمسة مهمة ومنطقية لمن داهمه الموت منها مثلا ( I wish I didn't work so hard. اتمنى لو انني لم اعمل بجهد كبير - أ 22 reviews7 followers December 25, 2018 Орон гэрээсээ дайжиж, орших газар ч оршихоо больсон хөөрхий охин өөрийгөө бага багаар нь илааршуулж, өөрийгөө олж, засаж, сүүлдээ гэр бүлийнхэнтэйгээ хүртэл учраа олж, бүр ханьтай болж, тэр байтугай "Ижий" болоход нь хичнээн их баярлаваа. Гарцаагүй үхэлтэй нүүр тулсан хүмүүсийг асран халамжилж, сүүлчийн үгийг нь сонгоно гэдэг амаргүй ажил нь ойлгомжтой. Түүний чин сэтгэл л бусдыг чин сэтгэлээсээ ойлгон асарч, тэр хүнтэй хамт одох гэмшлийн сэтгэлийг нь тайлж, сэтгэлийн амар амгалан эдлэхэд нь туслаж чаддаг нь гайхамшигтай. What are the top 5 biggest regrets of the dying?
Does everyone have regrets in life?Living with regret can impact your life, affecting your physical and emotional health. Everyone experiences regret, but it doesn't have to consume your thoughts. You can change how you view the options you didn't take and learn to focus on your values. |
